The Anxiety

Quite ironically, eventhough this blog is called myanxiouswords and Anxiety Diary, I have never actually detailed what I’ve been going through, and what actually brought upon my anxiety.

Since I can ever remember, I have always been one not to show much signs of stress, at least emotionally. During stressful situations, I have always managed to stay calm and composed. However, there’s always some form of “ticks” present. The ones I could remember are muscle twitches, trembling, headaches, facial pressures, breathlessness and sometimes even feeling faint. If these symptoms seem familiar to you, it’s because – as what I’ve gathered – they’re the same symptoms of an anxiety or panic attack, save for the rapid breathing of course.

So what triggered this latest bout of non-stop anxiety you might ask. I’ve managed to narrow it down to either actually an IBS flare, or Food Poisoning, or maybe even both at once. As I recall, I have told the story on the trip to Pahang, when I got the food poisoning. But what I haven’t told – I think – is that the next day, while still recovering, I actually had to go to Malacca. During the honestly short drive there – which felt forever to me – I had to stop about 10 times, but every time, nothing came out.

From that point onwards, I somehow think that my brain has linked driving with diarrhea. So whenever I drive, or generally not in the vicinity of a toilet, I get nervous, which in turns makes me run to the toilet. But I have been feeling better lately. I have been strictly controlling the food I eat. No processed food (sorry, McDonald’s), reduced lactose, reduced fried/fatty foods and generally just strictly following the FODMAP diet. It actually works!

I have been a lot less gassy, bloated and my body has finally accepted Dicetel. I don’t get much heartburn or anxious – as long as I don’t push myself too far outside of the comfort zone. I’m seriously greatful to finally just be able to do my work properly again. I’m also trying to pay less attention on how I’m feeling for the day, though I do keep a note to show my GI (perhaps it could be useful to him).

However, not all is perfect. I still have some anxiety every now and then. Even as I’m typing this, my breathing just feels difficult or heavy, and I feel an odd pressure like sensation in my nose. I got it checked last week and I had no sinusitis to speak off. The doctor even gave me anti-histamines just to be safe. I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.

As of now, I’m just trying to look on a brighter side. It’s just one problem after the other. I guess it’s just my time to be sick currently, and with every downs, there will be ups. I’ll just have to wait patiently for that day to come again once more.

Sidenote; I actually cried the other day, because life just seems unfair. But then it hit me, it could actually be worse, and others do have it worse. So keep that in mind everyone, if you’re feeling down, or depressed. There’s always someone out there who has it worse than you, so be greatful.

Thanks for reading!

 

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