A Poop-less Week

Ah, so I think the title might’ve given away the source of my rambling for this entry. Yes, gents, I haven’t had a bowel motion (nor the urge) in 7 days.

Let’s recap slightly. It’s now the month of Ramadan, and me being a Muslim, have a mandatory fast to perform for 30 days, and I was definitely up to the challenge. For the first few days of the fast, I was having a daily bowel movement, every morning without fail.

However, as I crept further into Ramadan, the movement begins to become…looser. It became softer, too soft in fact that I was suspecting there’s an issue with my digestive tract.

And then there it was, as weird as how it started, I stopped pooping altogether. My rectum was honestly slightly sore from the daily pooping. I think my body wasn’t ready for that.

Anyway, as the work piled, and the days went by, I honestly just have forgotten that I haven’t had  any BM for DAYS! Not even the slightest urge. When I realised, it was mainly due to me feeling bloated, and I asked myself, “when was the last time I had to go?”. I was internally silent, there’s just no answer, mainly because even I have forgotten the specifics.

Desperate time calls for desperate measures. Hello again my old friend, bisacodyl. Damn damn damn damn damn do I hate this drug. Yes, it works, I get it, but it just makes me feel all weak and weird. There’s one slight twist though, this time I actually got the suppository version of it, thinking that it would work better.

Got home, drank lots of water, slipped the drug in, and there I was, waiting and writhing in discomfort, wanting to eject the drug out of me. After a good 10 minutes of keeping it in me, I rushed to the loo.

To my disappointment, nothing came out, just mucus, and more mucus, and then there was whatever left of the drug.

After much debilitating wait in the throne, finally, some very hard stool finally came out with much hesitation. 

As I’m typing this, I’m just lying down on the floor, still waiting on the actual time I’ll have a proper BM. Maybe I should’ve held it in much longer, but it was just so irritating to my innards.

At least it doesn’t make me feel like passing out or straight out dying like the oral version does, so there’s that.

Update – many moons later (or about 2 hours)

Still nothing, I’m going to sleep, if this still doesn’t work by tomorrow, I’m just gonna have to take the normal bisacodyl. If that doesn’t work, well, a trip to the ER it is then

Wish me luck

Update – It’s the next morning now, and I just inserted another suppository, but this time I’m gonna hold it in as best as I could. The stomach has been gurgling but it’s still not working from yesterday. This may just be the anxiety talking, but my body feels absolutely weird, definitely not working (or fasting) for that matter. It feels all jittery and weak, I feel at complete unease.

One important thing I learned is never to let it go this out of hand, and I really should be taking notes again for my bowel movements like I used to do, so I can actually remember when was the last time I had one. I have chugged 1.5 Litres of water in 12 hours, so I don’t think I’m dehydrated at all. Now I’ll just wait patiently I guess. 

Update – finally went to the doctor he prescribed something called Paraffin Oil. Apparently this will just help in lubricating my internal and should help in relieving in a more natural and controlled manner (we’ll see about that)!

However, suddenly my mouth feels extremely dry (even though I’ve been drinking water aplenty) and there’s a sensation or desire rather of gagging and vomiting. Great! My weekend is all sorted out then

But I’m counting my blessings however, I have an exam on Tuesday and I seriously much rather all of this to happen today instead! I should feel better once Tuesday comes.

If the mouth feeling doesn’t subside, I’ll just resort to suckling on some hard candy instead, that should (theoretically) work! 

Update – after two doses, still nothing from the paraffin oil, other than just cramps and gurgles from the stomach. Finally called my GI, and he suggested for me to take fibre drinks, 3x/day coupled with the paraffin oil in the mornings. 

I’m not giving up, will be trying that next! 

Update – got bored of fibre drinks too, I give up. No matter how bad the side effects is, oral bisacodyl seems to work best for me. The effect (for me, at least) comes in stages. 

  1. Suddenly awake, yet I don’t feel weird or sick
  2. I start farting, a lot (maybe because the bowel is finally moving)
  3. General weakness and coldness
  4. Cramps, lots of abdominal cramps 
  5. Feeling Faint
  6. Elimination

Anyway, I actually went to the loo, and what came out was only a few pebbles of stool, and the paraffin oil. Damn body, why won’t you work! My body is feeling oddly hot too, internally 

Update – It finally happened. A big (and surprisingly comfortable) BM. Maybe due to the paraffin coated internals. Damn! DEFINITELY drinking fibre every few days once from today onwards 

That’s about it, I think this post has been long enough. Until the next entry 


How About Some Yoga?

I spoke about stress, being to root of all evil not too long ago. But try how we might, it’s very hard to actually cut out or control our stress levels. Sure we might try heading back from work earlier, quitting social media and getting a good night’s sleep, but for me, this hasn’t worked as well as I wanted it to be. With that in mind, I’m now giving Yoga a shot. Currently, I’m still trying to work out a schedule where Yoga fits in my life. After work before dinner is the best time so far, but it depends on traffic and my work load – something that I’m working towards reducing.

Weekends however, I’m trying my best to get into the habit of both beginning and ending my day with Yoga, but again, the apparent laziness I have is somewhat getting in the way slightly. I’m also seriously considering taking a break from social media, be it Instagram, Facebook or Twitter. I’m pretty sure that reading about how great other people’s life is could be very damaging to your own, moreso to someone like me, where my health isn’t that great, and I can’t freely go to a fancy island for a weekend getaway. The mere thought of being on a plane sends tingles down my spine. Baby steps

The current Yoga poses that I’m adapting to are;
i) Child Pose
ii) Warrior 1
iii) Warrior 2
iv) Alternate Nostril Breathing
v) Legs up the Wall Pose
vi) Tree Pose
vii) Cat-Cow Pose
viii) Mountain Pose

I will be adding more challenging poses down the line, such as Warrior 3 and Camel Pose, but that’s all in due time. I’ll slowly build my core fitness and add them in.

Currently, I am feeling much better compared to back when I first started this blog back in the end of 2016. However, as I’m typing this, I am feeling extremely heavy headed with some head pressure, with general fatigue. I attribute this mostly to the fact that I had a little siesta session today, and since I generally just don’t do that, my body freaked out. I am recovering though.

A few things I shall be pointing out to my GI/GP comes my next appointment is the persistent white mucus (nasal spray didn’t help), random popping noises in left ear, and the head pressure.

Here are also some calm and relaxing music that I found somewhat helps in keeping a calm and more relaxing atmosphere while at work (or when I’m generally feeling anxious);

i) Marconi Union – Weightless
ii) Yanni – Truth of Touch

Thanks for reading everyone! I hope all the best for all of us anxiety sufferers out there! Until next time

Stress; The Evil Within Us

Stress, such a stressful word even to pronounce. I realize it now, all my problems began since I was transferred to a new department at work. A department so bad, that essentially I’m the only one there who does everything. EVERYTHING. This isn’t an exageration or me being playful. It’s just that bad!

So essentially, my department is divided into two sub-groups, let’s call them Group A, which takes care of Area A, and the same applies to Group B, and Area B. I’m in Group/Area A, and while I admit, Area B is more complicated, but Area A just has a lot more problems, almost on a daily basis when I started. Still doesn’t sound bad? There’s only two people in Group A, just two, and both of us were new!

Could you imagine that now? Two brand-spankin-new engineers, with not much experience to boot, directly overseeing the profitability of a whole area, during a period of extreme difficulties. You may ask, “Why is the other guy just fine, you wuss!”. Don’t get me wrong, my partner is a very kind and understanding soul, but he is just isn’t…efficient. In the end, most of the workload falls on my shoulders instead. After a few months of this situation going on, finally, I cracked. I got really sick and was warded (read my previous posts for a recollection)


So starting from a month or so back, I now no longer stay back at work longer than I have to. 7.30 AM in, 5.30 PM out. This may still seem long to some, but it’s waayy better compared to the 13 hour workday I used to have. I’m also slowly starting to implement better habits to ease stress. During lunch hour, I now no longer do any work. Instead, I prefer to eat with the company of my phone and YouTube, and reading the odd blogs every now and again.

Does it work, you maybe wondering. It really does. I’m getting much less sicker by the day! Sure, there are legit health issues that I need to tackle, such as the root canal, and poor blood circulation, but that all is part of an upcoming plan to try and walk for a few KMs each day after work. I also just started doing some basic yoga, to help in reducing my anxiety and finding better inner peace.

But stress isn’t something you can avoid easily and completely. I’m still pretty much experimenting with what I could/couldn’t do to help. If any of you actually has any suggestions or experience you would like to share, I’d be more than happy to read and respond to it.

Have a good day, readers! Until next time 🙂

The Progress: Part 5

Hello! I bid to any kindred souls who’s actually reading my rants here. How are you doing today? Great, I hope. I’m feeling better too. Much better. In fact I felt good enough to drive around for 3 hours today (I had a lot of errands to be done).

I think in my last post I talked about going to my GI for a visit around end-Feb. Well, the outcome from the visit was my GI was somewhat happy with my progress so far, although he was worried with my excessive mucus production. With that in mind, he prescribed more probiotics, to help with the gut flora, and ordered a stool sample. Yup! He’s apparently interested in something called “Occult Blood, Ova and Cys” which to my understanding is blood content, and parasite eggs/youngs. I hope the test will be all clear so then I’ll have really nothing to worry about and just continue life trying to understand IBS.

However, IBS aside, I’m still trying to understand my other symptoms (which my GI/GP is attributing to anxiety) such as shortness of breath (SpO2 was 99% the whole time I was warded), constant mild headache (trying out sinusitis sprays – lots of phlegm and mucus) and random body aches and spasms. As I’m typing this, my left index finger just randomly began to hurt. Great!

And then there’s the tooth issues too. Had a follow up with my dentist for the root canal, he’s switching my meds to a different type, so far it feels better, but there is still some occasional discomfort. And the darnest thing happened yesterday, I went to a dentist hoping to extract a broken root. As much as she tried, the tool couldn’t extract it because it was too small, and covered with gums. So now, I’m in pain from all the trauma from the extraction area, with no results to show. I would sure mind the pain less if the extraction was actually successful. This is almost like self mutilation at this point. The X-Ray verified that root was too small to be normally extracted. She said I could have surgery done, but she doesn’t actually recommend it due to the rather invasive nature of the procedure (cutting the gums, shaving some bone off and removing the root).

Lastly, I’m starting to think that my headaches might be actually caused by an aggravated TMJ pain instead. My jaw has always popped, and grinds, sometimes even lock slightly, but there was never any pain – at all. However, since the root canal was completed, my bite felt odd, and my bottom tooth kept touching the filling. So perhaps, a prolonged shift in my bite (unconsiously) and the long sessions with my mouth wide open had aggravated the joint, causing my shoulder ache, headache etc. I should probably point this out to my GP on my next visit. Been trying a TMJ exercise/stretch I saw on YouTube by Dr. Jo, and it seemed to have slightly helped.

That’s all I could rant in this episode of “No One Actually Cares!”. Be healthy everyone and have a great day! No seriously, as bad as you think you’re having it, there will be someone out there that’s worse off. So please, be happier and more thankful with what you have now, and maybe you’ll eventually get better (a message to both myself, and any fellow readers).

Just a random shot from my recent trip to the zoo. It’s always so boring to have a wall of text, especially one about being sick. Bleargh!. Just trying to liven things up here for a change! 🙂

The Progress: Part 4

Well, it’s now officially been 2 weeks since I stopped Dicetel, and a very eventful two week it surely was. To summarize, it’s been all about headaches, sensitivity and mucus. Lot’s of mucus.

Urgh, where do I even begin! It all began when I had a burger. I don’t know what it had that triggered such a violent response from my body, but it did the trick alright. It’s been quite some time since I had gas/bloating related issues, glad to inform you it’s now back. Once again, I’m greeted with morning cramps and bloating, until I either pass all the gas or have a bowel movement.

If the gas and cramps weren’t enough, there’s always the sea of mucus spewing from my back-end. Okay, I’m exagerating here, but in all honestly, my movement are either now covered in that stuff, or it’s more than enough to be expelled as a clump or plug of mucus. But I could live with it. It’s not always bad. I can afford to be far from the toilet for extended hours without too much anxiety setting in. Just today I went to the zoo for a whole 6 hours, including trip time. Sure, I had my down/panic moments, but at least I had a ton of fun. You can read about my zoo trip at my other blog here.

What I can’t stand however, is everything else. The random tooth sensitivity, and now somehow, headaches. It’s not like I’m not doing anything to it, I had a procedure done and everything. But somehow, it was better before I had the procedure done. The abcess would come, and it would go. Now, the abcess bump is always there (a very small bump however). I’m now seriously considering just extracting the tooth. Adding insult to injury, I’m also having random tooth sensitivity at my other teeth (just a few specific ones), which I just am ignoring currently. It comes and goes. Sometimes it’s completely fine and some other time, it just feels sensitive for no reason (not particularly to hot/cold).

Last annoying sensation is feeling as if you have mucus stuck in your throat, almost constantly. This also comes and goes, but it’s rather annoying truthfully. The mucus sorts of smells too (not like puss/rotting kinda smell, but just has a distinct scent to it). My muscles around the body randomly gets sore too. The most recent muscle that got rather sore was on my left knee. It fixes itself, but it’s getting quite annoying to be dealing with lots of sensations throughout the day.

To whomever that’s reading this entry, please, if you’ve ever experienced anything like this, just drop me a comment on what it is so I’ll at least have an idea what I’m having.

That’s all I have for this entry. I wish for the best of health for you all! Thanks for reading!

The Anxiety

Quite ironically, eventhough this blog is called myanxiouswords and Anxiety Diary, I have never actually detailed what I’ve been going through, and what actually brought upon my anxiety.

Since I can ever remember, I have always been one not to show much signs of stress, at least emotionally. During stressful situations, I have always managed to stay calm and composed. However, there’s always some form of “ticks” present. The ones I could remember are muscle twitches, trembling, headaches, facial pressures, breathlessness and sometimes even feeling faint. If these symptoms seem familiar to you, it’s because – as what I’ve gathered – they’re the same symptoms of an anxiety or panic attack, save for the rapid breathing of course.

So what triggered this latest bout of non-stop anxiety you might ask. I’ve managed to narrow it down to either actually an IBS flare, or Food Poisoning, or maybe even both at once. As I recall, I have told the story on the trip to Pahang, when I got the food poisoning. But what I haven’t told – I think – is that the next day, while still recovering, I actually had to go to Malacca. During the honestly short drive there – which felt forever to me – I had to stop about 10 times, but every time, nothing came out.

From that point onwards, I somehow think that my brain has linked driving with diarrhea. So whenever I drive, or generally not in the vicinity of a toilet, I get nervous, which in turns makes me run to the toilet. But I have been feeling better lately. I have been strictly controlling the food I eat. No processed food (sorry, McDonald’s), reduced lactose, reduced fried/fatty foods and generally just strictly following the FODMAP diet. It actually works!

I have been a lot less gassy, bloated and my body has finally accepted Dicetel. I don’t get much heartburn or anxious – as long as I don’t push myself too far outside of the comfort zone. I’m seriously greatful to finally just be able to do my work properly again. I’m also trying to pay less attention on how I’m feeling for the day, though I do keep a note to show my GI (perhaps it could be useful to him).

However, not all is perfect. I still have some anxiety every now and then. Even as I’m typing this, my breathing just feels difficult or heavy, and I feel an odd pressure like sensation in my nose. I got it checked last week and I had no sinusitis to speak off. The doctor even gave me anti-histamines just to be safe. I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.

As of now, I’m just trying to look on a brighter side. It’s just one problem after the other. I guess it’s just my time to be sick currently, and with every downs, there will be ups. I’ll just have to wait patiently for that day to come again once more.

Sidenote; I actually cried the other day, because life just seems unfair. But then it hit me, it could actually be worse, and others do have it worse. So keep that in mind everyone, if you’re feeling down, or depressed. There’s always someone out there who has it worse than you, so be greatful.

Thanks for reading!


The Other Issues

Random thought of the day; I strongly believe that toothaches could legitimately be used as a weapon at some point in the distant future. I’m having a toothache as I type this, even though I’ve tried my best to go to the dentist and actually tried fixing the damn tooth! 

Some backstory; I’ve always had bad tooth, even as a child. At one point in my life, I honestly think I went to the dentist more than once a month just from the sheer number of work I actually needed on them. My dentist attributes this to a) having shitty genes and b) acid reflux. 

My tooth got significantly worse (and better) around the time I got braces. It’s better because it’s at least more neatly arranged now. Worse because they had to stop treatment slightly sooner than expected due to a minor complication. A complication which involved my tooth chipping. Badly chipping. When is say bad, I mean like really bad. Most of my front tooth had to have composite cement to reshape them, quite an unsightly thing to behold. More than 70% of my tooth has had work done on them.

But I got used to it. So did the people around me. At first I was embarrassed, but now, not as much. I don’t actually mind them looking bad, but with cavities, come toothaches.

However, they still do chip, and break, and get cavities oh so easily. I actually envy my other friends. One of em hardly ever brushes his teeth, but with very minimal cavities. I brush mine twice a day and I use mouthwash each time, but what do I have to show for it? Cavities. 

I honestly envy those perfect smiles of the people around me. When my teeth first started going bad, I developed a habit of shielding my mouth when I laugh. It’s second nature now. But I’m glad my friends don’t mock me (at least directly) about it. 

There are worse things to have in the world honestly, compared to IBS and poor dental health, but sometimes, you just can’t help of dreaming, “What if I’m….normal”. 

Oh well, that’s all I can’t rant about today while I’m sitting here trying my best to ignore the pain. It comes and goes, but I’ll survive.

Next I’ll actually tell you guys what’s with the pain I’m having now! Thanks for reading my rants! As always, have a nice day!